terror

Been sick for 2 weeks
from start i thought it is a dengue
then end up not,
now i dont even know what the fuck is happening to me

there is a ulcer in my throat,
it dont heal up,
it just getting bigger and bigger
now almost having 1cm in diameter.

i am fed up... i am really fed up..
i cant eat, every single time i swallow it hurts
so much...
i am so hungry... i wanted to eat
but after few times i swallow, the pain is so unbearable
and that terror of watching myself getting skinnier, thinner.
and i am jealous of people, jealous that place i could have go
if i am not sick...