2013?

Last day of 2013

well its everyone's topic now

not sure if i need to say something it though...

hmm

2013.. not much...

i finish up my diploma... on Sept

went to interview and work on end of September( well that's little quick)

took my cert on November

do i actually achieve anything?

when i look back and asked myself that

no...

i did not

that's what disappoint me

not sure if the future me in 2014 wanted to punch 

myself back in 2013

i did not find a gf

oh wait sry, that doesnt matter 

i might be forever alone anyway

i graduated like nobody knows

the salary is suck balls

my job is more sucking balls

and i am turning 21 next year

fk... and still look like a 16 years old

oh well, i actually little proud for that

but

that is still some way not right

its... well it will be hard to find gf same age

they will look more matue than me

anddd working environment... of cz

=D

I just celebrated my 21 birthday yesterday,(chinese calender)
Its still feel weird to not celebrate on my exact birthday
1228
and one more month later i have a birthday again
hahahaha..
weird...
i am happy, really
really thanks to those who came...
made my day
the presents, they tricked me
they want me to open a big box
but inside only a cut little toy inside
and of cz they actually bought me a condom -.-
i have a lot of thing to share,
but i have no idea why i cant think of any now
probably exhausted...

the cute little toy

i always pray that i want to know more friends,

but i never realize that the friends i need

are already around me.

best day in my life so far.

Infinite?

Not sure if i had a shitty day
or i made it myself

well all about work, i am so fed up
i thought the current project i leading will soon be finish
in the end, my boss just extend it like forever...
even with no god damn dead line
how the hell i know when its gonna end
damn it
fuck...
thats the last project i ever i wanted to be in
its a maybank project and i hated it...
and my salary is low but doing the same as other team
that almost higher than me 2 times
ugh... damn it...
lucky i was still going to study degree...
not for whole life gonna do the same company...
ughh

Tiredness

i am tired as crap right now
but hey,
tryng to keep the blog going
even no ppl might going to read

anyway, today was the first time i tried
ice-skating, well, it went pretty well
at least i dint fell, not even once.
since i know play roller blades
actually them just pretty much the same
just ice-skating is icy, and wet
and more easy to make ppl fall
well not a bad experience though
but the bad thing is tmr need to work
and wake up early
shit...
i think now i better go to slp
tata

p.pangkok

And again,
i just back from pulau pangkok,
its the 3rd time i went there
and the bus freezing as hell
anyway, its the 3rd time
so not much surprise anymore
i rather say its kinda boring
but together with friends still fun
and of course sun burn..
and getting darker
and wounds..
cut by the sharp rocks
i got cut pretty deep on the foot
but well, still can walk... xD

Quit At Never

I just finished the 21km half marathon run,

its my first time take place in marathon though

and yet i choose the one hard one...

you have no idea how pain my whole leg is.. now

in the half way i have thought many time about giving up

but the i keep telling myself,

i came this far, i can do this

in the last 3 km ... when i saw an ambulance pass by

you have no idea how much i wanted to stop and get on it

and go back...

strange huh, now think back... it like a minute ago i wanted to give up

yet i finished the run and here writing this post.

it feels like i actually done something incredible

and probably today i just walked the steps i will walk in the next ten years

damn it my legs hurt

hey?

actually i wonder if anyone will actually read this blog
anyway, i will still keep it going
a habit perhaps? mehh, a hobby maybe

today is the first day since i work staying this late.
usually will go bed at 10...
but somehow today, feels like doing something different.
talk about my work first,
actually cant say its bad but a work is a work
it always boring
you guys have no idea how nice my title are call
"system and network engineer" damn it
sounds damn cool, but the salary not so engineer at all
everyday facing bunch of pc, laptops
users... good users, stubborn users, pissed off users...
whole lot of kind of em...

screw it, enough talk 'bout it
just let me ask you guys,
do you ever have a book that u always wanted to finish reading it
but never did ?
because i do, i always wanted to finish reading it
but after a chapter, i stop for few weeks
then i forgot what the first chapter was like,
and i re-read it again,  then the process just repeat like a
never ending loop.
or maybe just because my memory sucks? =O=

Ironic

i been lazy for a month before get into this job
pfff...
i finish my very last exam on end of the August
the whole September did nothing actually
then got into this
the lazy me always wanted to slack
i still wan to slack...
ha... who doesnt?

back in the college day
the formal shirt i dont even wanted to wear
unless necessary
but now became every routine
ironic huh
but somehow i feel wearing it looks smart though
times passes, thought changes huh?

A start

actually i had a lot to say

but lots of em should say days ago

or weeks

lots of things happened

but now i doesn't seem rmb i what i wanted to say though

anyway just say the one which closest to date,

i started working now, today , as "system engineer"

well, the name sounds cool, but not really, just the name

the salary is shit, but hey, fresh graduate like me i thinks its k

i wanted to continue study though, but the shitty college just

"help" me postponed it, everything drag and drag

the transcript and cert that i should take about a month ago

now only finished making.

see? if you are going to study i Stamford college in PJ

i advise you don't.

anyway i had enough with that shitty school

back to now, weird isn't it

i send my resume to the company on Sunday

and i receive calls at Monday 3 o'clock, and interview at 4

pfft...

everything happen just very fast,

and now i sit down and look back like wow

just suddenly go interview alone and started working.

i thought i might want lie lazy for another few weeks first

oh by the way, its my first interview in my life,

went pretty good, better than expected.

not sure for next though.

well anyway, fuck it...

yesterday i was still worrying and some shit

now i sit down typing this and realize

this work not gonna end with my life,

and it sure hell wont stop me from do other things

just less time doing it maybe

i could resign anytime anyway,

i going to continue degree anyway,

but before resigning sure i need $ to clear some "debt" first

so hey, good luck to you who reading and to myself

heyhoo guys, ill try keep up for the blog

Jog

Its been some time i went to jog
well,
so after so long i went for it,
turns out i am kinda screw.
my legs muscles are crap
almost stop working after few minutes
and it still hurt

probably never tell u guys that
i actually apply for marathon in this october
well... i am pretty much screwed.
i only got 1 more month to practice
and tell u what, its 21 km long and needed to be finish in 3and half hours
now i am so regret i actually apply for it
but hey, everything have first time,
so why not... and now i am comforting myself with this.

回眸

曾看过一本书，里写
前世回眸五百次，才换来今世擦肩而过
我想了一下，我认识的人不少
在街上碰碰撞撞过的人也很多
想到这，我前世的颈不疼吗？
当然我在说废话
“前世回眸五百次，才换来今世擦肩而过”
这句话其实就是在说着我们能认识到
任何人，都是可贵的
恨的爱的都一样
那记忆都是重要的
痛的，开心的都是

有人也跟我说过
如果能删除伤心的记忆多好
其实，我觉得一点都不好
没试过伤心，哪来知道什么是开心
就好像没失去过，怎样知道什么是可惜，什么是可贵
甜酸苦辣都在一起，这才叫人生

8/31th

a certain date or time
it could mean a lot to someone, or less
or even nothing.
for Malaysian, August 31 is independent day
well, but honestly i am not a patriot, so it doesn't seem to bother me
but it is mean a lot to my family, or at least, me
8/31 is my parents anniversary
and also my dad's birthday at the same time.
someone says i am stubborn, its not even 'bout me
but hey, we all have regrets... and my greatest regret
is my dad, we don't talk much when until i reach 14 to 15,
and i dint treat him like what other should until
last two years before he past away.
i never really got chance to buy my dad things
but i remember i bought him a shirt once,
and he wear it every time we go out for dinner.

what gone is gone, what i can do now?
nothing. but sit here writing this post.
if you are reading this, please love them, your parents.

and here i am trying to make up what's lost
i need to make him proud
i must, and i must not let my mum worry me, no more

It's Raining

Went to the waterfall near sungai bulu again
it is the 3rd time i went there if i am not wrong
but today was different
the moment we go back
it start raining...
if you read my blog before,
you will know that i love raining weather
beside
it rain in a jungle-like place
the feel is just so good
i will stop once a while
and face toward to sky
just to feel the water drop on my face, shoulder and skin
and take another deep breath in this natural cold air
it feel so good
oh yeah, and i got a leech stick on my leg
i dint even realize until i reach home
i bleed a lot, but felt no pain
the leech just so good at sucking blood

oh... i added a "tanka"( a japanese poem-like)
on right side...
 it is from an anime movie
The Garden Of Words
you should check it out, it is a very nice movie

Question Tanka:
‘A faint clap of thunder
Clouded skies
Perhaps rain comes
If so, will you stay here with me?’


Answer Tanka:
“A faint clap of thunder;
Even if rain comes not;
I’ll stay here, together with you…”

This Tanka stay in my head like forever after i watch this 

cause this tanka is playing an important role in the movie

and its related to the climax point and beside

this tanka is very very nice 

UGh...

Shiiiittt... i dont even realize last time i update my blog
was in july @_@
oh well ... screw it , i ill start typing now...
ANYWAY, bad news and good news to myself
good news = had my last exam and soon graduate
bad news = had my last exam and soon graduate -.-
ohh wait, what?
yeah both good and bad come from one thing
cz graduated mean i can leave that shit hole college
and bad news mean i have to facing new place and people
actually that wasnt bad at all, but i am a kinda awkward guy
so its kinda tough for me
i cant make it to the SEPT intake for the degree
plus, i dont think i have enough money to sustain the fee
decided to work first, and i am finding one
sad case, many job i found online need a bachelor degree
or few years experience, or too far for me to go
but hey, i havent give up finding yet
i wish i could start my work as soon as it can
but i am kinda nervous about those interview
so wish me luck

Walking down alone

Today went to the Petaling Street
only myself.
I always pass thru the station near there
Pasar Seni
but not a time that i actually went down on that station
today actually a little tired though
never thought i will go there
but i still went down on the station naturally

went to the book store near there
to spend my voucher, 2 books only cost me RM1.68
i was really happy, cause i bought my favorite author's new book
 i never know his new book has arrive Malaysia

after buying the books
went down to the Petaling Street,
The brand " Vans" everywhere can be seen
thinking wanted to buy the famous roasted duck over there
for my family
but it closed. and went home find out that my mum actually bought it too
exact same store earlier. What an coincidence.
It is a little lonely when walking down only by myself,
but yet a total different feeling.
it giving me a feel that sometimes, it is good to be alone
just wonder there for about an hour, walking aimlessly
thinking wanted to buy a bag, but none of it suit my taste.

There are a lots of flowers shop,

i have no idea why

I keep having an impulse to buy one

but who i going to give to ? =T

as single guy, so i hold my urge

where was I?

been a little busy,
and going to gym lately,
yeah i know i am thin
give me few more months,
definitely will have changes.

had last class with school junior yesterday,
but still having the Saturday class
till almost end of the august

i will feel sad if this college were same as before
but now, everything i miss and that i will feel sad for
is lost, long gone
her, them, it...

no matter what, the memories will do the job
remember what I learned, what i been through
who i met, who i knew.

"just remember me, for this life time"
i think i said this to someone before
but hey, really, just remember me, for this life time
friends...

a farewell huh?

What's the right thing?

We all have that thing that believe into
but which is right?
and which is wrong?
The right or wrong
bad or good
it all just depend on people's perspective
Is it benefit to you, then it is good
if not it is bad.

Even people, how to define bad or good then?
and of course, who been good to you then he/she is a good person
in another way, then not.
even a serial killer,
he might be bad guy to most people,
but maybe he killed a man who raped child,
and for the child's father, that serial killer is a good man to him.
But here our world likes to follow the majority
if more people believe it is right, then it is
even though it is wrong.

 So here am i, asking myself
what's left? when all things we believed in are wrong?

Parallel world

Do you ever believe in parallel world?
I do...
because what i might not accomplish here
it might done in another world
what regret i had done,
it might not done in another.

My dad will probably still there
together... with that another me...
going trip together... eat together

We two might be still together
I might have not done that decision

When i miss my dad
or when i recall any bad memories
i always told myself this
in another world...
all this is undone... and i am living happily
he is still there with me...

Thanks

argh...
always telling myself need to update my blog
then after 1 month i still keep forgetting
~_~ well... so better update now in this sleepless night

Just started my new semester and the last
going to graduate my diploma very soon
i should be happy, for leaving that crappy college
but still, feel a little sad
before some of the staff is resigned
it was a nice place
i still remember what they all did with me
like in the carnival, first time organizing futsal competition
trip to melaka and langkawi
and meeting her, fall in love then heart broken
all in one place
and still remember they all come to my father's funeral
by walking few km from the nearest monorail ...
just thanks everything...
just thanks... for meeting all these people,
happy or sad incidents, enemy or friends
just thanks...
just thanks...
and i ask nothing more, its a bless meeting all these people
all these things happen...

everyone is nice everything is nice, until they leave one by one
but all these memories will be in my mind forever,
cz all these is the thing that make the one i am now
and again thanks

Getting Tired

Trying to having more friends
running between groups...
still not as tired as trying pulling them back
it hurts to watching the first group of friends
that i know is separating...
broken...
even if i manged to pull them back
the one that in group still doesn't like it
still the same...
nothing change

maybe just time to give up
cant always be that guy
it only will push myself closer to fire
making other people hate me
maybe it's time to stop...
enough..

Middle

I always want to have more friends

but sometimes things just aint what you want

Yes i have a lot of friends...

even in college i know more people than other

but.. do we actually call those a friend?

even in my class, it separated to few groups

i wanted to join them all... 

no.. it never work

And i just running around between them...

and i never getting reach in one destination...

and soon after they will go further and further

until i couldnt reach anymore

And i am close to this situation...

I will be isolate... like a pond stay still

couldnt reach the sea, couldnt reach the river either

is that it? we must choose a group and stay...

and if went out it become betrayal?

how funny this world works...

5/5/13

It's a sad sad day for Malaysia and Malaysian...

We only need a clean election

but yet the current government play so many dirty tricks to win that election

I am sorry... i really fully gave up on this country...

where the corruption is the only best thing in here.

 RiP democracy in Malaysia.

STUPID COLLEGE (STAMFORD COLLEGE)

currently having a feeling that couldn't describe
that knowing possible that i cannot survive this semester puuuuuffffff
that will graduate this september
guess what happen
cause of a feedback form
and feedback form should be P&C private and confidential
it should not show to anyone beside the one in charge.
and yet...
my lecturer just saw what i wrote ...
and come to me and scold
And how the fuck she knows...
the coordinator is a piece of shit...
for letting she knows...
it is just bad... BAD AND BAD...
and all because of this stupid shit college
and the people who inside dont know how to get things done
really...
fuck this stamford college
a piece of shit...
after i graduate this diploma...
for sure i gonna revenge

Chocolate & time tight

Its funny, when a guy dont really love desert

but like to make chocolate

Half years ago i started to try make chocolate

in many way, from raw ingredient or redesign melted chocolate

i forgot whats the reason to start make chocolate... or dont want to remember

Or simply just to

Anyway

its my second success to make...

finally understand why chocolate wont freeze..

it make a lot easier to do...

but still take a lot of time..

it the process of making it is always fun.

but one thing really pain in the ass

that is to clean up the mess after i make the chocolate

here is the chocolate that had nicely mixed and made, now is current put on the ice water to

adjust the hardness for make it sphere shape

and here made in to ball shape, dont worry i wear glove while making all these,

it could have easier if i bought the surgery glove,-.- instead of using plastic one..

some chocolate bar that have melted in hot water, for the chocolate ball to dip in

and then put the coco powder

The coco powder is way too bitter, so i actually add some icing sugar in it for adjust the bitterness

tata, how its looks like after coating it with coco powder

\

what's on top is almond coat with icing sugar...

it looks kinda weird -.-..

BUT

it look instantly better after warping... and warping actually took time

cz i am way too retarded.

Hmm thats it... i dont know how its taste though...

cz my thoart hurt, i never eat at of them -.-...

but hey... let the white mice be other people ahahahahahaha

my final exam is close, just middle of may...

and i need to finished up my final project... really pain the A double S

but my lecturer came and ask for my help... guessing i cant do my project

until 1st of may..

but hey i am vanx... i can mange ... xD

For this lifetime

When danger arrive,
I will come as sentinel;
protect and embrace.

When you took a wrong step and fell,
I will hold your hand;
and guide you back.

When there is war,
I will fight for you;
Till I bled dry.

When you have lost your faith.
I will give mine to you,
To believe once again.


When  you have lost your way out,
I will be there;

To show you a path

So don't you worry; my friend
As long I am here,
As long this friendship held.
As long this world haven't end.

But just one promise I asked;
just remember me for this lifetime

At last

i can hardly talk few days ago...
that picture is when the infection start
having about 5mm in diameter..
pain like hell,
but though its gonna heal up itself
never knws it getting bigger and bigger

not sure if you can see this clearly

it is when the ulcer at its almost biggest

i dint take the picture when its biggest though

its almost cover the whole section of it..

this stupid shit ulcer make me hard to talk

cant swallow any shit

make me hard to sleep

make me fed up

and almost going to kill myself.. oh wait

not that serious... but it is really fed me up..

recover back from potential breakbone fever then this ulcer came up

however...  I WON... and fuck you sickness...

terror

Been sick for 2 weeks
from start i thought it is a dengue
then end up not,
now i dont even know what the fuck is happening to me

there is a ulcer in my throat,
it dont heal up,
it just getting bigger and bigger
now almost having 1cm in diameter.

i am fed up... i am really fed up..
i cant eat, every single time i swallow it hurts
so much...
i am so hungry... i wanted to eat
but after few times i swallow, the pain is so unbearable
and that terror of watching myself getting skinnier, thinner.
and i am jealous of people, jealous that place i could have go
if i am not sick...

what's left?

talks a lot about old things lately
even with my old friend
pfft
do I really that miserable?
even my best friend point at me and said
actually this guy a lot of shit happen to me
then i remain silence for awhile,
and smile and said I am an optimist..
actually their saying wasn't about my whole life
just particular topic that we was talking.
but still, it had me thinking

When a people die,
what's left of him is only memory
of those people who know him
not even things he left,
because once people are gone, its no longer yours any more
what if even those memory are gone?
then what's left?

we all cannot be historical person
not all of us,
then aren't we just gonna wait to be
forgotten
wiped out.

烟

昨天跟家人去给爸爸行清
去广东义山的路上
塞满了车
妈总说选错日子
塞了一个钟才到
但是，到了那边
真的是人山人海
多人到喘不过气

找到位子拜爸爸时
已经是中午

还有...
我敢说每个在场的人都哭了
但是真哭的不懂有多少个
但每个人都被烟哭了
我也不例外
如果每个人需要呆在那边一天的话
眼科医生肯定是赚到满

鲸鱼女孩，池塘男孩

鲸鱼女孩，池塘男孩

这个标题其实是我看过的一本书

作者是蔡智恆

我喜欢他的书，可惜他写的书几乎每一本

都没有好结局，但是这本却让我意外

“鲸鱼女孩，池塘男孩”

这个标题

我总觉得跟我一段已结束一年多的恋情

好像

当然，我的故事却没有蔡智恆他写的书

有好结局与内容

而我的内容只是支离破碎与溶溶烂烂

的记忆 还有那被甩开的结局

鲸鱼女孩，池塘男孩

的却我就是那池塘

而你就是鲸鱼

鲸鱼只可以活在大海

顺畅又自由的游着

而我这个池塘

是永远都供养不到你的需要

就算我能用尽我的养分来支撑你

你也不能畅游， 也得不到自由

就算你能勉强活着

到最后我也会枯干，枯萎

而你也不能活存。

当时我的却想尽办法成为大海

但只是暂住在我这个池里的你

好快就离开，向着大海离去

鲸鱼本来就是活在大海

所以你跟他而去

我从没怪你。

至少在这个池塘拥有你待过的踪迹

也只好怪，我未能成为大海

到现在也是。

allergy

I love eat spicy food
but i cannot stand for the heat it gave me
somehow i just love to eat.
Probably just like you chasing a girl or boy
if they dont want you, you just want then more
oh wait... thats probably not a good example but
whatever..

i have a heavy allergy on lips
especially my upper lip
the doctor told me
whenever i eat, i should try not to touch
the food on my lips
especially any spicy things
or things that contain chemical
such as face cleanser
so it actually gave me hard time
mostly is when i eat
cz i need to prevent my food touch my lips
and i need to put it inside my mouth
it is just too frustrating sometimes
u can actually imagine how i eat...
its just so fking ugly lol...
but sometimes i just dont care though, but i will prevent
when only i eating spicy food.

A rare sight

Been sick for a week
the main cause of this heavy fever
that is because an ulcer near my throat
and it got infected.
my fever wont recover from fever
because of that little ulcer
if it never heal up first i will be sick forever
the doc said.
The antibiotic is so strong
i almost threw up every damn time when i ate them

My mood wasnt good today
well.. cant say its bad but.. just slightly more into negative side
but it went a little better after saw a long"lost" friend
even she is like a hundred feet from me
but still recognize her after few second
that moment was good
but except that she is waving nicely at the bus stop
and i wave like a retard stupid 5 years old kid inside a bus
that full of people...
seriously...

还记得吗？ 那巴士恋（女篇）

在你读这女篇之前，我建议你先读“男篇”

http://red-aces.blogspot.com/2013/02/blog-post.html

与你的相遇

我从没忘记...

还记得那时因为家境不是很好

所以上大学不久，我就需要找份临时工，

也刚好的找到在我学院里的

早上工作，下午读书 。时间分配的刚好

虽然说是一个学院，但分开两个地方

我做工的地方与读书的一个在东一个在西

坐巴士也得用几十分钟

我也很费解，为什么要这样分开着。

如果不是这样分开着

我与你的结局会截然不同

也许也根本不会遇见

那时，刚拿到那份工时

我很紧张因为我从没去过另一边的学院，

听说那边基本上全是男生

知道这些后让我更紧张

因为男生的追求

有时会很可怕。

所以我那想恋爱的心，早已隐藏

跳动得很懒散。

虽说有时会怕男生的死缠烂打

但是为了能毕业，只能硬着头皮

还记得那天，是星期四。

也是第一天上班，在我就读的那边

坐上了去在另一边学院的巴士

我那边上巴士应该是第一站吧，因为很少人

然后我也选了前座，下巴士也容易

过后巴士停了两次，上巴士的人也跟着多了

位子也没有了。

当巴士停第三次的时候，

也就是我与你第一次的相遇

那时的我还在想，到底要停多少次阿

如果在停多几次，我不久要迟到了么

当时我还在绞结着几时到学院时，

第一个上巴士的你，

把我hold 住了...

我与你相望，虽然只有两秒左右

但却相似时间停了一样

我那已经隐藏的心，也悄悄出来探头

跳动懒散的它也变得激烈。

你那可爱的脸相，跟戴着那黑框的眼镜

你那眼睛很闪耀，像个星星

把我迷住了。

虽说你拥有那可爱脸蛋

却带点邪气，也更没有夺走你的男气

我们相望的两秒过后，

你就被其他要上巴士的人挤去后面了

当时对我也好，

因为我耳根开始发热，

心也一直向着你跳动。

那时我才知道，

那是巴士会停的最后一个站，之后就到学院了

在巴士去着巴士的途中，我没理旁人

我心却一直叫我往后向你望去，

而我的脑压抑着我的心

如过我在那时向你望去，我那些隐藏的感情

肯定会泄露出来。

到下巴士的时候

我终于忍不住，向你望去

然后就立刻下车。

为了不要被你看见脸红得我，唯有快奔到办公室。

到了第二天，星期5

一想到多下有可能又跟你遇见

不由自的微笑起来

巴士到了

本想坐到最后

但是这样做好像会太刻意，那么其不会被你发现？

最终还坐回了一样的位子。

我往外看看见了你排到在最后

我心想，你是真的迟到

还是刻意？

我不知道，但是我是希望你是刻意的

当时我还以为你会站到我正前面

怎知上巴士的人太多

而且排你前面的是一位很壮健的外国留学生

而你只有能站在上巴士的楼梯及

门也刚勉强的能关上，

每次巴士转大弯的时候

我总会但是巴士门有什么故障开了

你会掉下去，然而我就这样的担心到学院

下车了，但你被你朋友叫住

也晓得你们在聊什么

虽然很想走慢点，等你聊完了

我可以再看多你几眼。

但是我不想做的太刻意

我只好乖乖的上班。

星期六

我有上班但是大多数学生懂不会特地回来

除了有时补课，我也没有希望能看到你

第二个星期了

星期一

这天是我印象最深刻的一天

那天，你上巴士时我又与你对望时

你竟然对我微笑了，

你那带邪气的眼神

你微笑时露出的浅浅的酒窝

那时的你，已经把我心掏了出来

你那微笑真的让我招架不住

我唯有立刻向外望去

也不想让你看到那脸红的我

虽然我知道我很没礼貌

但是如果我不这样做，

我对你泄露的不只会是我的心情

而是我的心

那时我只希望快点下巴士

用冷水浇那发热的很的脸蛋和耳根

过后那整天，我无时都会笑。

第二天，星期二

我知道昨天很没礼貌

所以怎样这天都得回个微笑

你上巴士时，我又与你对望

但是这次，先微笑的是我

你的表情带点惊讶与欢乐

然后手捉捉头，向我回个害羞的微笑

向巴士里走去

之后几天也一样

对你微笑相似了习惯

也没怎会害羞了，但是那被你掏出的心

依然激烈的跳动着

直到了同一个礼拜的星期5

下巴士时，你比我先下，我跟你后面

当时我手一滑

我手上的水壶掉了

掉在巴士的楼梯及

弄出了很大声 ，然后向你滚去

你用脚拦着了水壶然后拾上来

但是那时真的很尴尬因为掉下来时太大声

全部人都看着我，我只有赶快的拿走

说声谢谢，回到办公室。

而第三个星期，也是最后一个与你相见的星期

依然一样，只是多了些简单的问候语

也算是根本没谈过话

但是也好这样就能让我 静静的看你

在巴士时都会偷偷的看你

有时你会发现，然后再向我微笑

露出浅浅的酒窝，有时我不懂我的心怎么想的

不想让你发现我偷看你，因为这样能好好的看你的脸

也想让你发现，因为这样可以看到你的微笑

第四个星期

我因为有大考，所以我向做工那边的学院请了假

整个星期都没有回去过

接下来就没有再见过他...

一个月过后，我本来在内政部做工被调去

老师办公室帮手，在一个教授的桌上看见你的照片

那教授看到我凝视着你的照片

便问我认识你吗，我只能苦笑一下

之后他还告诉了我关于你的事

原来你很厉害，你曾去外校比赛

关于电脑和程序的比赛

你去过三次，得过两次冠军。

那时也得知了你的名字

也得知了现在的你已在加拿大

眼泪没流下来，但是心却在泣

如果我能早一些做工

早一些遇见你

如果我能做的刻意一些

也许现在向你说的不只是问候语

也许已真正认识你

也许已了解你

也许...也许...

电话的响声把我拉回现实

接起了电话，电话的另一头是我现在的未婚夫

对我快要结婚了

毕业之后开始工作的时候就认识了他

不知不觉地，我们已这个地步了

现在再想一想，原来在巴士的一见钟情

已是4年前

你那名字我也没忘记

你那脸容我还记得

因为我不想舍弃这美好的回忆

那曾经很爱慕你的我，那曾经很喜欢你的我

一直都很想说，我知道你名字了，但你呢？

也一直很想问，还记得吗？还记得...我吗？

后记:

本想在写完男篇过后，立刻就开始写女篇

怎知我一日拖一日，但我总算完成了

女篇我用了4 个钟 就刚才两点到六点

男篇就更久了，因为男的写了三千字

而女的只有二千一字

而真正发生在我身上的故事其实是这样的

我每个星期四在等巴士时都会遇见一个女生

有时会互相微笑一下

当我鼓起勇气拿号码时，我再也没看见她

所以我想在这个故事里表达的是“错失”

人生中总会发生很多次这样的错失

如果故事的女生可以做的刻意点

或者男生勇敢点

结局截然会不同

本来我想写他们再相遇

但是太不实际

所以我甘愿写得他现实残酷

也不想写得虚幻假象

就好像真正发生在我身上一样

当然，我没有像故事说的帅

只是我虚构出来，请不要介意

还记得吗？ 那巴士恋（男篇）

当初
我没什么特长，也没什么出息

只是仅仅的考上大学，除了样子好看些之外

也真是没什么作为

而且恋也没拍过多少次。
好笑的是在中学懒懒散散的我
到了大学竟然努力了起来
可能是因为学费要自己掏钱包的关系
把我推动了起来

每天都是照着同样时间上学，放学

坐电车到校园附近巴士站

然后再坐大学的巴士从电车站到大学

还有最重要的是我的校园有两栋
问题是那两栋分开的距离，不是走路就能到达的那种

而我就读的那栋是专修电脑和科技

所以这里只会有很多书呆子和那些整天打电玩的宅男

要不然就是那些"otaku" 当那些二元次的人物当做是老婆

看到就恶心

所以基本上，全部女生都在另一个校园

搭巴士过去还得20分钟

本以为到了大学可以至少拍个拖

怎知却到了光棍岛...
怎样都好，这是我受困在这岛的最后一个月
因为得到我老师推荐的关系，我得到加拿大学院寄来的信
我可以在那继修，所有费用全免
想都没想就要了，这个学期一过
我就得立刻过去。

巴士里的人见惯不惯

都是那些死光棍。虽然我自己也是

就除了那一天，就除了那一天开始

还记得那天是星期四，我比平时早到了些

我坐的电车比平时少人

电车司机也开得比较快

虽然早到了，但是还得等那去光棍岛的巴士

我在那儿等得不耐烦

踢着我脚下的沙子

背着那沉重的手提电脑

也没注意那周围，只是把脚下的沙子踢得零乱

终于，那载满光棍和宅男的巴士终于到站

第一个上巴士的我就看见你坐在前座

你与我对望两秒有多，你那可爱又大的眼睛

还有那微长的眼睫毛，仿佛像丘比特的箭

直中我红心，
你那稍尖脸蛋，跟那有点翘起的鼻子
你...真的很美
我... 愣在了那里

之后给那些要上巴士的死宅男挤到后面去

干！

被挤到后面的我，看过去，只看到

那些死宅男的目光全在你身上

但是我还是高兴，因为只有我与你对望那久

真的为我自己的样貌觉得光荣

但是那时突然想起之前读过的"did you know?"

其中一个科学事实 就是每个人看回自己都会觉得

比平常帅或漂亮5倍那么多

突然觉得自己样貌立刻变得平凡

干！怎么以前觉得自己帅的勇气都突然跑了

给我回来！

直到下车，我的视线都一直在你周围
还有我那紧握的拳头...
总想要向那些瞪着你看的人，直挥过去
可是我总没想过，我在你眼中会不会跟那些死宅男一样
应该是自信心太强了吧，不见得是件好事
还是因为我与你对望的两秒，你已向我倾诉你也对我有意思。
我不知道。

巴士停了,大家都开始下车了
然而你下车之前，站起来回眸了一下
我与你又对望了一次，但是这次并不久
没到半秒你就下车了
当时我真想立刻跳下车
往你追去，不能与你对话也好
至少知道你修哪一课，已经是上天对我的恩惠.
可是被挤到后面的我
简直是希望渺然... 终于到我下车的时候
你却已经消失得无影无踪...

就那一天
很快的,你就成为学院中的话题
说着有个大美人进来了这个
充满饥饿的光棍的岛屿上。
过后才得知你是半功半读的女生
上午你到这个光棍学院打工
下午就回到另一个学院读书。
还有听到你是打工是做学院内政事务的时候

我那插在裤袋里手比了个“干”
心想如果你只是帮帮老师复印的那些工作
我还能假假到在二楼的老师办公室找老师
然后顺便看看你
但是学院内政在底楼，学生统统不能进
就好像把那机会很干脆的画上句号。

到了第二天，星期五
我好期待的说...
跟自己说绝不会第一个上巴士
特地的排到最后... 然后希望着你也会同样的坐在前面
巴士到了， 我也看到你坐在前面同样的位子
但是我没想到的问题发生了
就是排在我前面的是很高大的外国留学生...
巴士被塞到满满... 而我只是刚刚有那一点位子
站在那上巴士的楼梯及。
我的视线给那高大的学生挡住
什么都看不到
我跟我自己说没关系，下了巴士还有机会看清楚
怎知一下巴士，就看见我的刚到学院的朋友
他把我拉着说陪他到外面买东西
回过神来往后看，你已到好远
那时的我，真想一巴扫死我的朋友。

星期六没课，学院也只是开半天
也不晓得你有没有打工，就算是有
也不见得我会特地得过去，只得等到下星期
我还记得因为那两个星期有两个教授
被学院叫去了研讨会
所以整整两个星期
有两个早上的大班也被取消了
这弄到坐巴士的人也少多了
也是我机会来临的时候

巴士到了，我也把我大概站的位子计算好了
硬硬的对自己说，如果你望我时
一定要微笑，如果做不到我就是龟蛋
终于上巴士，你也依然坐在同样的位子
我向你望去，你我视线再次接触
我..终于鼓起勇气对你微笑
但是！
但我微笑完
你却很快的离开脱离对我的视线
向外望去，之后再也没向我看来
我的妈呀，那时在我心中想，我肯定是被你当成什么变态佬了
那时我只想快点下巴士
过后那整天我连吃饭也无味，只是像蠕虫为了生存而咀嚼着。
到了第二天，我那被当作是变态的心情依然残留
所以我也没特地选去站哪
但是上巴士时，想不到的事情又再发生
你我再相望，但是这次却是你主动向我微笑
露出虎牙，这我还是第一次见
你那个微笑就像丘比特把他的弓箭换去了长枪
向我的心脏抛来，把我直挂墙上。
虽然比喻有点夸张，但确实如此。
当时不知所措，只有害羞的向你回个微笑
然后像个木头人走进巴士
那时的我，应该连左右脚也分不清楚了吧

接下来几天也一样
直到星期五，下巴士的时候
我先下，你跟我后面
我脚刚到地，就听到了砰砰两声
我往后看，原来是你的水壶掉了
正向我滚着来，然后我用脚把它拦住
用手拾了起来，还没伸完手把它递给你时
你已就很快的从我手中拿去
轻轻地说声谢谢，很快的转身向办公室跑去
你转身时，你头发还轻轻在我的脸刮过
发香还残留在我鼻腔一整子...


在我会去加拿大修读倒数最后第二个礼拜
我也照常的一样向你微微笑
只是多了些问候语，像早安阿
下巴士会说再见阿之类的
有时也会捉到你偷望我时
然后你再笑笑的往外看
露出你那可爱虎牙。
有时真的很想直接过去问你名字和电话号码
但是巴士里多人，不见得是个好说话的地方
就算是没有人，我也不觉得我会有那个勇气。

突然想到在多一个星期我就得到加拿大时
我心突然酸了起来。
那时是想怎样都好，
至少我也得真正的认识到你
我个人不怎么会说话
所以想到了一个方式然我介绍自己
当时有一首英文歌很红
歌名是"call me maybe"
它的chorus 是这样
hey i just meet you,
and this is crazy
but here is my number
so call me maybe.
然后我就写了我的名字与电话号码
之后再加上那歌词。
如果有需要我还会当场唱给你听
打算在我去加拿大之前的最后一个礼拜给你

最后一个礼拜到了
我很紧张，也很开心
不时漏出傻傻的笑
想着当你收到这张纸时，会流露出什么表情
终于等到那巴士
但是上到巴士你却不在
看不见你坐在平时的座位
我也特地向巴士里走了一趟
确定你没有坐在其他位子
我找不着你，然后对自己说可能今天请假
明天会来
星期一就这样过去了

星期二也过去了
同样的事情也发生了
也是同样的告诉自己明天能见到
星期三也过去了
在我口袋的那张纸
也迟迟未能交到你手中
星期四，我绝望了
那张纸也开始有点折皱
星期五，最后一天了
星期六我就得收拾然后立刻到加拿大继修
我朋友与教师为我道别
有些人给我礼物，有些吵着我带纪念品回来
而我，只想着你
我特地在学院兜了很多圈，试着是否遇见你
当然是徒劳无功
因为你根本不在。
而那张纸，被我拿得皱了
也交不到你手中。
一直在想如果，我先遇见你多好
在确定去外国留学之前遇见你多好
也许现在已经认识你了
也许已经很了解你了
也许，你已是我女友
也许... 也许





街上开始喧哗起来，看看手表，9点了
是时候上班了,也是时候回到现实
现在的我已在加拿大某间企业上班
因为在加拿大进修的我，也顺势在这里做工

那张写着我的名字，电话号码
还有call me maybe 的歌词的纸，我依然收在我的钱包里
有时拿出来回忆一下。
虽然这回忆不算是美好，而且也带点苦涅
但总会让我嘴角上扬
再想清楚些，原来写这张纸的时候已经是4年前的事。


那曾经很想认识你的我，那曾经很喜欢你的我
一直都很想知道你现在还好吗？你也是否跟对我有一样的感情
也一直想问到，还记得吗？还记得...我吗？




后记：女篇我会尽快写完
            当然这故事不是真正的发生在我身上
      我只是把我自己的故事改篇，至于是怎样请留意女篇吧
我更加知道我文笔不是很好，但是想表达的总表达到了吧

Shakkkyy

Yooo...

i bet you guys know nowdays

a very famous stupid dance call harlem shake

you all cant stand for it already isnt it ?

too much ?

but still i made one myself for you guys

because i am an asshole...

enjoy

I organized this... and i am the first solo shaker

and i actually twisted my waist for this...

really...

and i know it not good as others

but hey... i just wanna do this for fun

annndd btw.. i do film this in my college

it is fun really... even in the process

after filming it... i am the one edited the video too

and add the most important harlem shake music

anyway i hope you guys enjoy

and have a good weekend

=D

FOGGY not FROGGY

Cold night huh...
Usually Chinese New Year is hot and sunny
but today seem different
as i look out the window
the cold wind is blowing and foggy
Well... at least its nice to sleep

Its been weeks huh
you cant blame me
its CNY... and forever alone valentine xD
oh wait...
maybe its still not too late
GONG XI FA CAI
okay that will do
so hows your CNY for all those
who celebrate it?
getting many angpau huh?

And for me? nah
i dint really go anywhere
every year my family and i will go
to my uncle house, except for last year
because of my dad's incident
my uncle talk a lot about my dad that day
telling us how two of them drinking wine
and talking a lot of things
he must be miss him
we all do
and he said, every year my dad is the one who
accompany him... but this year he was alone
then all of us tell him that you got us
my dad is gone, so its time for his son
to do his job
he might be gone, but his spirit remain

that little hapiness

sometimes
a small thing
can actually make you happy
such as someone
bought you a drink
meet an old friend..etc
it just made your day
just that little small things in life

you may find it unnecessary first
but in later,
you will find those little small things
important...

today, i took a route back home
that i not usually go
and get on last coach of train that
i never get on before
but then i meet a friend of mine
have some small talk
and yeah..
it made my day

FEB

hello February 

nice to see you again

brand new month

do u staying this late too huh?

bah..

i have class later though

shit happens ...

cant fall asleep

and i am hungry

but too lazy to find food -.-

i love to sleep

but seem the night doesnt want me to

anyway...

hows life?

hmm?

nothing bad?

hope so...

hmm?

hmm...
where should i start actually..
pfft..
my position in my best friends
was replaced...
yes replaced..
but still i never feel left out...
i cant blame anything or anyone
for that
it just like a cycle...
either i replacing people..
or others replace me...
i am okay with that...
or maybe not...

and that one replaced me
have sweet mouth he really knws how to talk
really...
i dont know he back stab me before or not
but one thing i knw he hate me...
well...
why he hate me?
ah... just because a joke i make
i actually good though, for u want to hate me
for a joke... seems good

see... i actually quite bad at social talking
my talking to others suck...
i never know how to sweet talk
i am bad at praising people
or say that what i actually meant
and people  tot i am sarcastic
so sometimes, i just stay quite..

 i am actually kinda straight person...
if you dont like me... fine...
or i did something wrong just tell me
i will accept what you said and trying to fix
or even you think i disturb you... in some way or some how
just say it...
i will stay out of your life forever...
you dont need to hide or what...
few words and i be gone...
dont need to be awkward or some shit
seriously...


sincerely
an emo stupid guy

Offensive?

sup guys,
boring?
nah
my new semester starting tomorrow
and yeahh
i actually kinda happy about it
btw
chinese new year is near
i mean really near
like 2 weeks?

I don't know...
but errr
when i was child i was so looking
forward to CNY
and feel very happy even 1 month or
2 month before
not sure if it is the grown up effect
i am not excited like always
or maybe just one less people
to share happiness in home
anyway
ITS CNY
i will just cheer the fk up myself


just something i want to mention though
sometimes as we speak,
we may actually dint intend to offense anyone
or not even intend to do anything
probably just a question
but yet it will offense people in their own thinking way
or they may thought another meaning
so sometimes i just wonder,
stay quiet may just the best

Hard time

Sorry for the long gap between posting
had some hard time
felt like being isolating by friend
and
i wanted to find part time for myself
been tight on money these day
new semester starting soon,
lots need to pay
you may said why don't you get it
from your parents?
first my dad past away
and err
i don't even want to take a cent from my mum
not because i hate her, but i love her
i wanted to do it all myself
she worked hard
i don't want add more burden on her
and for my brothers?
yeah i could get from them,
but... see
i dont want to...
i grown up, i wanted to be independence..
but still
i seriously need a part time job
and now think off
i probably just finish out my diploma
then i will not continue my degree
and straight to work...
or probably i should just check if my grade
are acceptable ... at least i still got like 3.5 cgpa
lets hope it wont drop

P.P

Sup guys
miss me ?
i been away from home
for few days
i went to pulau pangkok with friend
it should be a fun trip but
something happen for the 1st day we went there
one of my friend got into accident
with the motorcycle we rent
and i am the only one who witness it happen
went we going down hill
his bike's stance suddenly drop down
and he cannot make left turn
if you went to p.pangkok before
u will know there is mountain and cliff
everywhere
and very dangerous
he almost felt down into the cliff
lucky we was able to grab the side pillar
but he injure his leg quite bad
i really feel bad for him
he only can stay hotel for 3 days
and err
it really freak me out when watching him
almost fly out of cliff
so... but still really lucky he is okay

but still other days still went great
dint happen any accident anymore
i wanted to upload
but most of the picture is in my friend's phone though
cz we went to beach and sea so i wont bring my phone
tgt incase getting wet

Water...

I am fine if you asking me
and how about you

one terrible thing happen to me
and my family though
or actually a lot of people
yeah as the title said
Water...
The water supply stop for days now
but still
some time the supply back on
but then stop again

This happen in a whole large area
in KL
Yesterday i just bath using less than 2 L of water
how great
now i only realize how important it is
or maybe we are just being living too nice
with 1 twist water reach our home...

Been a week huh
My birthday is terrible
thats why i said i nvr expect
anything
or i did expect something?
so it went terrible
anyway...

and Thank you for nt even saving my
number as ur contact
just great...
i been abandon
totally
by you and my other friends
never felt so down...
or probably thats is only some small thing
but after went thru so many days of thought
it become worse, became nightmare